The way a husband can encourage his wife is to support her, spiritually, emotionally, and financially. We want to know our husbands are there for us, but mainly we want them to allow us to grow. When a husband is helping his wife grow through loving support, she will want to encourage him back.
The way a wife can encourage her husband is to keep it simple! Remember, that men live in boxes. They can only be in one box at a time. Talk about one subject at a time, and solve one problem at a time. I suppose that’s why women can cook dinner, talk on the phone, braid our daughter’s hair, do 25 math problems with our son, and feed the dog all at the same time! A woman’s world connects to everything around her where a man’s world is compartmental. He likes it simple.
I’ve had to learn to keep it simple for my husband which is hard to do. Let’s face it, as women there is nothing simple about us. Nevertheless, we need to learn so that we can encourage and support our husbands in the way he needs.
Many years ago Pat, my husband, had the opportunity to change company’s and get a BIG promotion. It was what he had been working for and waiting for. However, once he settled into the new position, he had regrets. The position had been left in a complete mess. Not only did he have to learn a new job, but he had to clean it up as well. No top of that, he also learned that the company had real issues due to the owners chemical dependency. It was anything but simple. Pat was crushed.
Did I seek to encourage and support him? Of course, I did. I supported him until things at home began to crumble as well. Pat was working long hours which meant I had the kids, their homework, sports, and extra activities to handle all by myself. Then, when Pat got home, I couldn’t complain because he beat me to it. He talked about how bad it was at work; how he wished he had his old job back; how if the company goes under, we could lose everything, too.
Heaviness weighed on his shoulders. Instead of lifting the load he carried, I added to it by saying things like, “why can’t you get home in time to help around the house? What do you mean we could lose our house? Did you think of that before you took the job? What will we do? Where will we go?” With every question I asked, it became one more problem for Pat to solve. Instead of making it simple, I added to his stressful situation.
Eventually, when he was at his lowest, I began to simplify things with supportive and encouraging words. “Okay, say we loss the house. We still have each other? What’s a house that another one can’t replace? It’s not big deal. Really.” But the one statement I think gave him the most freedom was when I told him he was not a failure if he returned to his old position.
Men want to feel successful. They want to be respected by their wives. When things are simple, and they can do things that they are good at, they feel and become successful. To achieve that success, they need us to support and encourage them in the things they are good at whether it’s their job, golf, teaching a class at church, or being a good husband and father.
Pat did return to his old job. And he thrived there. We didn’t lose our house, we gained strength as a couple. Eventually, Pat got a promotion withing his own company. Today, he is very successful at what he does…at work and in the home.
How can you support and encourage your husband today? Keep it simple. Don’t recreate more problems for him to solve. Let him know what he’s good at and then give him the freedom to do it. A well respected man who has the encouragement and support of his wife will thrive in all he does.