Welcome blogger friends! Today I’m giving away two free books! Growing a healthy marriage is that important!
First, here are five ways you can nurture your marriage?
1.)Speak your spouse’s love language. Gray Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, helps couples understand and speak their spouses love language. Most of the time, the way your spouse wants to be loved is how they show love. Does you spouse express love by:
• Words of affirmations
• Giving of gifts
• Quality time
• Acts of service
• Physical touch
If you spotted your spouse’s love language, start speaking it today.
2.)Be willing to Forgive. This is a hard one, I know. If you’re a part of the human species than you’re mostly likely to hold a grudge than offer forgiveness. But resentment only builds to a boiling point, and when it blows, it’s not pretty. Someone once said that harbored bitterness is like mixing poison for the one who has wronged you but drinking it yourself. It’s tough to forgive when the feeling isn’t there. However, I’ve found that when I’m obedient to forgive, the feeling eventually catches up.
3.)Fight Fair. If you’re like me, you fight to win. If you’re like my husband, you retreat. Because my husband avoids conflict, I always win. This created two problems: 1.) He began to harbor resentment that I was unaware of, and 2.) I had the false perception I was always right. So my husband came up with a solution to resolving conflict that he loves to share in the “Preparing for Marriage” class at church. “If the woman will fight naked, there will be no fight.” Just for the record—we’ve yet to test this theory.
4.)Love your spouse for who they are. There’s a famous line from a movie that goes, “You complete me.” There’s a lot of truth to that. In most cases opposites attract. I was drawn to the characteristics in my husband that I didn’t have. His strengths were the opposite of my weaknesses and vice versa. When we were dating, I loved that he always wanted to spend quality time with me (his love language). Now that we’re married, I’d love two minutes alone! Those quirky things about your spouse that drives you crazy are the very things you were first drawn to. Why—because they complete you!
5.)Date your spouse. This is a biggie! Rekindle your passion by asking your spouse on a date. In fact, set aside one day of the week for date night every week. Then, get creative! Tuck an invitation under the pillow, in his briefcase, or in a bouquet of flowers. The date doesn’t have to be expensive. You can take the kids to grandma’s or a neighbor and spread a candle lit dinner out on the living room floor. You can take a walk in the park, get an ice-cream cone, or see a movie. The main thing is spending time together nurturing your relationship instead of growing apart.
There’s lots of ways to cultivate a marriage. Let’s encourage each other. Share your tips. What have you tried that works and what doesn’t? The best tip given will win two free books! “Capture His Heart” and “Capture Her Heart” by Lysa Terkeurst. Visit Lysa’s blog at http://www.lysaterkeurst.com/
Becky says
Hi Micca,
You left me with a smile this morning…So true…The very things we loved about someone when we met them so often become the thorn in our side later 🙂
Here is my hint:
I have sent my loved one an e-card every day since I met him…some serious…some funny…He loves looking for them each day.
Thanks for brightening up my morning,
Becky
Sherry T says
Thanks for your tips Micca.
My husband travels a lot (he’s a Canadian military chaplain) and whenever he goes away we try to agree to read the same scripture, devotional, etc. daily. I find that doing this gives me greater focus in my prayers for him, and helps us feel a spiritual connection to one another even though we’re separated by great distance.
Blessings,
Sherry
Pen to Paper; Spirit to Soul says
Thank you for the opportunity to share! We have learned that our ‘date’ time is SSSSSOOOOOOOO important….even sitting in the car at the park while it rains!!!
The main thing for us is the communication…talking! If he can pull me away from the kitchen, laundry, dirty floors, he has my full attention. If I can pull him away from the computer, TV, cell phone, I have his complete attention. We’ve taken a couple of hours away each week for the past few years (we’ve been married almost 20) and are seeing the difference now when that little bit of time becomes impossible to grab.
We also started reading the Bible together using the One Year Bible…devotions with my husband, how hot is that!!!
We are not perfect, just forgive and in love!
Pamela in TX
Pen to Paper; Spirit to Soul says
oops…just forgiven and in love!
Pamela
Bridget says
Hi Micca,
What a great devotional! One thing that I love to do for my husband is pray for him to have favor in his work, with his boss, co-workers and clients. He’s in a very competitve, fast-paced job. Also, lately his travel schedule has increased substantially. Instead of complaining about it(my normal response), I’ve been trying to focus on taking care of the things that he’s normally responsible for at home. This has allowed us to have some great quality time when he is home.
Eternity777 says
Well Micca,
I have two things to share. The first “tip” I have is that, about 4 years ago my husband and I got to take a trip (just the two of us) to Arkansas for a week. This was such a blessing considering our children were 2, 5 and 7!!! That week, we decided that we needed to be praying together every day. That was a decision that we have kept to this day. We include our children in this, and they have learned to pray so beautifully. My main point is that regardless of what has gone on during the day, what words have been spoken or attitudes have been clearly shown, when we pray, our hearts show. You can see the real person for what they are and what is important to them just through a prayer. When a husband prays for his wife in front of his family, it is a tremendous act of love. Secondly, just before my 2nd daughter was born, I found a little box in the shape of a heart, and wrote on small strips of paper things that I appreciated about my husband, or thank you’s that I didn’t often say. I put probably 60 in there, so that he could read one every day as I was busy with our baby. This was given to him when we came home from the hospital. This started his day off well, and even though I might not be awake enough to tell him, he could know that I loved him and appreciated him. He’s a wonderful husband and dad!! Thank you for being such a blessing!!!
Bobbie says
One tip I have is that I bring him breakfast in bed with the paper on Sunday morning. Its not fancy- frozen biscuits, usually- but it lets him know h e is important to me. I also try and lay out his clothes for the next day when I lay out mine…
Ashley says
Micca, thank you so much for your devotional. It came just at the perfect time. My husband and I have been apart a lot this summer just from traveling and his work and family visits and it just doesn’t feel good. I’ve kind of resented the fact that he’s been on many trips for work and I’ve been stuck at home with the kids, so I haven’t been very loving or uplifting (even though I know he would rather be at home with us. He hates to travel.) Thank you for your encouragement to stay in my yard and nuture this marriage.
Mari says
Ask him what three things you can do for him this week to support and encourage him. Then do them. You’ll be surprised at what you will learn about your spouse. And you can then slip in a few of your own surprises.
Teri says
Hi Micca,
Sometimes we forget that marriage should be entered into with the goal of pointing to and displaying the love of Christ. Marriage is the unconditional act of servanthood. The sooner we learn that the happier we’ll be, not to mention the happier our husbands will be. Trust me, I had to learn the hard way!
Here are a few tips that have been helpful in my own marriage.
1.Stay focused on Christ and express geniune love and forgiveness. Remember your husband is God’s child.
2. Pick up after him without announcing it. I used to “serve” my husband by putting away his things that he left laying around the house. Then I would sweetly tell him, “I just put your dirty clothes in the hamper that you left on the bathroom floor.” All he heard was a complaining wife. It’s so much more fun to have him return to the spot (even if it’s days later) to look for his “left behinds” and realize that it’s in its proper place. He will seek to find me and give me a great big hug along with a thank you. Ahhhhhh, I love his hugs.
3. Hang on his every word no matter what he’s talking about. Try to understand and appreciate his work and interests. Show him he is important.
Thanks for the great devotional, Micca.
In His Grace,
Teri
Lynn Cowell says
Micca,
Thanks so much for your words today. My husband is having a terrible time at his job and needs me to be his cheerleader today.
Here are two hints I have done:
1) I purchased one of those “little reminders” you see on TV or at Sharper Imagine. I spoke into all of the things I love and respect about him and then put it in his suitcase when he went out of town with a note that said “Play me”.
2) When he comes home from work each day, I follow him up to our room while he changes and just listen as he decompresses about his day.
Thanks for the ideas.
Lynn
Brittany says
Last Sunday my husband did somethings that REALLY irritated me . Instead of my normal “whine and nag” routine, I didn’t say anything. Just prayed. A LOT.
He asked me what was wrong. I said” I’m upset with you but I don’t want to talk because I might say something I’ll regret. Just an hour later he said that I was “heaping hot coals on his head’ by staying quiet. That I had had more of an impact by being respectful. We actually went on to have a really good day. It wasn’t easy but it was worth it. If I can just keep it up.
So I guess my tip is to stay respectful to your husband and your needs will eventually be met, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time. If you attack him, he will become defensive and hurtful things might be said and nothing will be resolved. And pray for wisdom. A LOT. ;o)
Tiffany says
I have learned over ten years of marriage that God absolutely has to be in the center of our marriage at all times. Praying together has been a blessing and a wonderful way to stay connected to my husband and to God. Date nights are essential and are so much fun! Thank you Micca for sharing, everything you write is very inspiring!
Goingtoheaven says
I needed this today! My husband and I have been drifting apart to the point of possible separation. This devotion just affirmed what I already knew. I don’t believe in divorce and I need to go back to the basics of why I fell in love with my husband and why I married him. It will be a great time to have fresh start.
Thank you Micca!!
Jessica says
Thank you for such a great message! I sometimes forget how important it is to enjoy the day to day life with my husband. I get so wrapped up in keeping up with the house, work, the kids, etc. that I forget our time together here on earth are limited. I needed this today!!
My tip is to pray to God for patience – that is the only way I sometimes hold my tongue instead of complaining about something very little and unimportant.
Debra says
Thanks for your devotion today. I feel very blessed to have the husband that God gave me. One thing that i have been blessed with in the last 3 years or so is to have a weekend away with just my husband and I for our anniversary. We just celebrated 21yrs of marriage.I plan and arrange for my daughter to stay with a friend (no family where we live) and we go away for the weekend. It has been wonderful to get those trips! It builds our marriage up.
DeenafromIowa says
I am so tired taking care of our children that I don’t have time to take care of my husband. Help!!!!
mitchie says
Thanks for the devotional. You are truly a blessing. I got married a year ago. Me and my husband are trying our best everyday to be a better person for God and each other.
Here are a few things that keeps our marriage blessed:
1. We pray & read the Bible together every night. We have individual devotions but we try to share it with each other too and praying together is such a wonderful thing.
2. We do some of the house chores together in the weekends. It's so much fun!
3. We made a pact that we will never go to bed angry/upset with each other.
4. We try to be spontaneous with out dates and always have fun. We don't have kids yet and we enjoy each other's company a lot.
5. We meet with our church elder every week for Bible Study and Marriage Counseling. He is a real man of GOd & he's been sharing his time and Godly wisdom with us to help us mature in God's walk & our marriage.
God bless you & everyone reading this blog,
Mitchie
Keri says
Thank you so much for the wonderful devotional. My husband and I were separated for a few months earlier this year but are now back together and working hard to put Jesus first and serve eachother in our relationship.
One thing we have been doing is called “the penny game” we each have a jar and when we do something that makes the other feel loved, affirmed or special in some way we get a penny. As we put the penny in the jar we have to say why our spouse is getting the penny. It often results in lots of giggles, kisses and hugs and has been a really fun way of saying how we feel to and about eachother.
We have also made a commitment to spending quality time every day. We have been doing this by holding hands or hugging and praying before he leaves for work in the morning and doing a devotion or reading something together and talking about it before bed.
The other tip I have is take a quick outing to the dollar store before your next coffee date with your spouse. Each of you have to search for something that in some way represents your spouse to you. Then as you have coffee or lunch or whatever present your gift to your spouse and say why you picked it! I gave my husband “superman” stickers… saying he is my hero and he is stuck with me 🙂 My husband bought me a pooh bear chalk set. saying that Pooh bear represents Christopher Robins greatest treasure and that is what I am to him and the chalk represents my artistic nature. We were both so touched by eachothers gifts even though they only cost $1.00. They meant so much more! May God help us to love and treasure and encourage eachother always! hugs, Keri
Laurie Ann says
What a great post! And a great giveaway. Too sweet.
I'm not sure what love languages are exactly (need to read that book!) but from what you listed, Steve expresses love by quality time and acts of service. Mine would be words of affirmation and giving of gifts. Hmmm…need to read more on that.
Now, for my tip:
Years ago, Steve and I had kind of lost a connection. We hit a slump. I knew I had to do something.
I got a babysitter for Kristyn, went shopping for a beautiful nightgown, bought a gift certificate to a local restaurant, and then got a hotel room in town. Then I went to the dollar store and bought all the tea sized candles and saucers I could buy. I put them in the hotel room and snuck into his office at work, placing the name of the hotel and his name on the envelope and left a note that said, "Meet me in room # X as soon as you get off work."
The candles were lit by the time he was expected to arrive. This was a leap of faith, because back in the day, only the rich & famous had cell phones. We didn't, LOL!
Needless to say, things worked out well and we got out of the slump we were in. We reconnected on many levels and our marriage has been closer ever since.
Kelly Combs says
One word: Sex. It’s okay, really, your married. Most men need physical expressions of love. It builds their ego, relaxes them, and makes them feel loved.
And its free and fun.
JanetMS says
Thank you for your post today and your ministry in Proverbs 31. My husband is currently incarcerated due to some bad decisions he made during a very dark time in his life. The way I show my love for him is to send him cards and photos and keep him up-to-date on the lives of our children. While in jail, he accepted Jesus as his savior and is using this time to build a relationship with Jesus. He has told me numerous times that because of the continued love I showed him, even at the darkest hour, led him to a point to be able to accept forgiveness and walk in the light.
Carolee says
I dated my husband because of the things he didn’t do. He didn’t try to flatter me with words, he spoke more of his shortcomings than his accomplishments, he would call me nightly and just chatter on and on about his daily existance and mine, while I was away at college. We became actual friends! We truly are each other’s best bud! I don’t know if I fit the bill for having something unique to share, he’s the one who deserves the prize…he’s the one who calls me everymorning after he gets into the shop and before he leaves work to come home. He’s been the one who goes out of his way to find unique gifts! You have to read my blog to really see what transpired in the past…but I am one Blessed girl to have him! Amen!
Kristin says
Having recently been married, I’ve learned that building a home together is important. I stay home a lot more now than before. There have been social events that I’ve turned down because I know it’s important that we build a strong foundation, especially in this first year.
On Purpose says
Our best marriage advice we ever received was:
“Low Expectations”
I know that could sound a little harsh or even sad to some…but we live our relationship this way. We know only God can meet our EVERY need and so anything our spouse does is “whip cream” on the top! When I keep my expectations low…I end up ALWAYS blown out of the water at how awesome and amazing my husband is. He is the best man that God ever created to walk on this earth…and the only man that could stand beside me! I don’t expect Steve (my husband) to meet my needs…I KNOW God will meet my needs and He uses Steve to do it!!
Natalie Jackson says
TO pray for them and support them
Nicole says
Couples Devotions! Seriously, there is something about the time my husband and I share during our devotions. First, it opens up communication on things you might otherwise just let go because your both pressed for time, the kids are being noisy and want your time or what ever it may be. Second, WOW, it is amazing when not only is it quiet and the two of you are alone, but you are sharing your time with God as well and focusing on how to have a marriage centered on God and that is for His Glory! The intimacy is a kind that I have never experienced any other way. You can talk about such important things, be vulnerable, but trust that you are safe with your spouse because you are seeking a Godly relationship and closeness that God intended between a husband and wife. My husband and I started our devotions once about 8 months ago and it fell to the way side. I prayed about it hard and we found a devotion together and started just in July and we love it. We come together about 5 nights a week after the kids are in bed and the house is quiet. It’s great!! I praise God for the creation of unity between a husband and wife and thank Him for my husband.
I just pray God blesses all your gals marriages as well.
Thanks for the great devotion today!
Nicole
Sandy Cooper says
Thank you for the reminder on your P31 Devotional today. It prompted me to send a much over-due e-mail to my man today.
God Bless,
Sandy Cooper
http://www.godspeakstoday.blogspot.com
Amy says
How perfect! I'm always trying to get better at this!
My husband is a 'wordly' man and that's definitely not my love language. It's hard for me, but he definitely seems to appreciate when I tell him how much I appreciate him! When it's especially hard to say all those gushy words he likes, I write them down and hide them under his pillow. I've also, especially when I'm particularly frustrated, kept a daily record of things that he's done for me on my calendar. Just jotting down a note to remind myself that he bathed our preschooler for me or took out that stinky garbage really reminded me of how much he loves me! He liked seeing the record on the calendar (words for him) and I soon found that it was too hard to pick just one as I came to appreciate him more and more (made me less of a stressed-at-home mommy).
I'm a transplant to this area, and my husband is great about letting the kids and I go home to visit my family – but that means trips without him since he can rarely get time off from work. When we leave, I try to make sure his laundry is all clean and there are lots of simple meals here in the house. I always try to hide a surprise for him somewhere, too – I think his favorite was when I opened a package of peanut M&Ms; and scattered them under the covers in our bed. He found them for days and laughed every time a new one popped up!
Carrie says
Thanks so much for your post this morning. The timing was perfect for me because my husband and I are celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary this weekend.
I do little things like picking up his favorite bottle of soda when I’m out. This year he was having a rough time at work so I wrote out verses on index cards and would put them in his lunchbox. He told me he still has them and refers to them often.
Thanks for the reminder of the importance of a healthy marriage.
Carrie
Dallimomma says
I am still waiting on the “what works” but I have learned a few things that don’t work. The most important thing for me was realizing that I did not have to be the Holy Spirit for my husband. First of all, that job is already taken and I wasn’t very good at it anyway. It was not an easy lesson to learn. But now, any convicting, correcting or directing comes from Him and not from me. I can’t even imagine the pain and struggles that has spared us. Thanks for the great giveaway.
Wanted: God's Glue says
My hubby and I leave love notes for each other on the bathroom mirror with dry erase markers.
We also try to give each other a hug and kiss everyday even if we have had a tough day.
We have also made “Coupon” books for each other. They would be for things like:
Your choice for movie night
1 day free get out of ________ .(name of household chore)
Dinner at your fav. resturant on me today
1 free “I’m sorry” pass
Free “hugs and kisses” pass for a rainy day
You can choose the “pajama” for tommarow night”
Free pass for one night out on town with the (guys or gals)
Love poem recital just for you…just choose the performance night!
Free candle light bubble bath
Free “make out session of your choice” for _________ ( fill in date).
Penny for your thoughts night
Get Lucky Night….free fantesy fullfillment night.
You get the point…also now that we have a child we make coupons for things like:
Get out of changing dirty diapers for a day
Get to sleep in for an extra hour pass
Breakfast in bed on your day off
Family fun night…activity of your choice night.
1 Hour Free time to spend how you want to pass
Hope this helps…it’s worked for us hope it does for someone else too.
Christy says
Wow,
Great devotional today. About two months ago, my husband and I were sitting on the coach on opposite ends doing our own thing… two months later we are sitting together, holding hands, tickeling each other and just having good old fun. Why the change? because we have brought it before the Lord. For the last two months we have taken on a challenge together so we could grow closer again and not feel as if we are just roomies. Every night before bed we have been doing the devotional “Night Light” by Dr. Dobson, it is only a page each night and it ends with a couple questions to discuss. This has been such a great help for us… my tip is to (as Micca said) find you husbands love language… my husbands LL is words of affirmation. I was trying to think of different ways to help him with that… while walking through the $1 item isle in Target 3 weeks ago I saw a magnetic dry erase board. I purchased it and I have it on the fridge, every night I write my husband (and 7 yr. old son) a quick note on it… something to encourage and uplift… sometimes a short note like “thanks for doing the dishes”… or “Your hot”! It really seems to have helped out… in turn he has been filling up my love band in the love language department…. so for all of you out there… pick up a dry erase board and do some encouraging!
God Bless,
christy
http://www.tennysontalk.blogspot.com
Kristine says
A few things that make my husband happy: when I pack his lunch and put a “love note” in it with an inside joke we share or something else that is funny to brighten his workday; when I cook dinner or bake something he enjoys (I love to cook so this is easy for me!); and when I want to go with him to his favorite store or go do something he enjoys (with a smile). Memorable gifts I have given him: one time I wrote him a card where I listed 50 things I loved about him and it brought tears to his eyes; another time I took a deck of cards and put blank address labels on the one side with things I wrote out that I loved about him for him to pull out and flip through when he’s having a bad day. And getting away this past year, just the 2 of us, for the first couple of times since our honeymoon (we have been married 5 years next month) proved to be so refreshing and an oasis away from the struggles/issues we currently face.
Also, just trying to see him through God’s eyes and as a child of God helps me to be a better wife and have a heart of a servant.
Runner Mom says
Wow! These ideas–and your post–are fabulous! I’ve seen my two ideas several times over!
Soo….ya’ll have a great weekend and love on those hubbies!
Blessings,
Susan
Carol says
Hey Micca!
The best tip I can give for any marriage is to stop keeping score. I bathed the kids tonight, it’s your turn. Or you got to go out with the guys last week, it’s my turn to have a night out. My husband and I used to be so bad about doing this. The sad thing is somebody is always winning and somebody is always losing.
After a class at church, I decided that I needed to do nice things for my husband because it pleased God not to get something nice in return. I began to put this into practice. It changed our marriage. My attitude changed. I was happier to do things to please him and in turn, he started doing the same.
It’s so easy to fall back into scorekeeping, but I have to remind myself – You need to do this to serve your Heavenly Father. By serving others (including my spouse), we serve Him.
Be blessed!
Carol
Carol says
Hi Micca,
Thought your tips were great! Here’s some advice that a friend gave to me when I got married:
Fight naked, you don’t stay mad long!
It always makes people giggle!
Carol Churchill
GOD'S LADIE says
My tip that is actually benefiting me more than my husband, I believe is to pray for your spouse. Not for GOD to change “him” but for GOD to change “you” and to fill your heart with love for your spouse. The love that GOD has for your spouse. That unconditional love. You will find that the more time you spend praying to GOD for HIM to change “you” and pray for the man of GOD (your spouse) to come forth, that GOD will do exactly that. In the end, GOD will get the glory out of your Holy-spirit filled union. You will experience a love out of this world. Praise GOD for the great tips you provided, Micca.
LaTonya/FL
jody says
Your blog really touched my heart. I think the one tip I could give is actually a compliment my husband gave me. He told me one day that he was really grateful that I was not a “white water person”. I asked him what he meant by that, and he said that he was grateful that I did like fighting and turbulence, that our home was peaceful and we worked things out with God in prayer.
That was good stuff:)
Julie says
Hi! Just wanted to say that your devotion really touched me at just the right time. My husband is wonderful, but sometimes I feel like I wanted more, like I wasn’t getting exactly what I wanted from him. He gives me attention, but is alot of times tired after a long day at work. Well, I am almost 9 months pregnant, and been pretty emotional lately. I called him in tears the other day when I had a baby appointment and they told me I could go late with this one! That was not what I wanted to hear! He came home that night with roses and I then knew that someone understood me. Then, we were out to eat, and he started telling me about something, with tears in his eyes. I have only seen him cry once and that was when our little girl was born. That told me that I have a very loving and sensitive husband- the best in the world!! I truly know that the grass is NOT greener on the other side. Stay put with the one you got and pray for him. I pray for my husband every morning when I hear his car leave the driveway for work. Reading your devotion after these 2 incidences really hit me and I knew that GOD was speaking directly to me at just the right time. Doesn’t HE always have a knack for doing that? Thanks SO much and may GOD bless you and your ministry! Julie
Julie says
Hi! Just wanted to say that your devotion really touched me at just the right time. My husband is wonderful, but sometimes I feel like I wanted more, like I wasn’t getting exactly what I wanted from him. He gives me attention, but is alot of times tired after a long day at work. Well, I am almost 9 months pregnant, and been pretty emotional lately. I called him in tears the other day when I had a baby appointment and they told me I could go late with this one! That was not what I wanted to hear! He came home that night with roses and I then knew that someone understood me. Then, we were out to eat, and he started telling me about something, with tears in his eyes. I have only seen him cry once and that was when our little girl was born. That told me that I have a very loving and sensitive husband- the best in the world!! I truly know that the grass is NOT greener on the other side. Stay put with the one you got and pray for him. I pray for my husband every morning when I hear his car leave the driveway for work. Reading your devotion after these 2 incidences really hit me and I knew that GOD was speaking directly to me at just the right time. Doesn’t HE always have a knack for doing that? Thanks SO much and may GOD bless you and your ministry! Julie
Amy says
Great thread! Married 32 years and still learning about each other.
My tip #1: I agree, women do not
“get” how important sex is and why to their husbands. One things that blesses my guy: whisper in a surprising place and context the color of your undergarment. He gets to think about what article you are wearing and how it looks and when he may be able to “check his answer.” Way fun.
#2 Make it obvious that time alone with him takes priority over kid stuff, or ministry. Ex.: rather that volunteering to spend the week helping at church camp… we send our son and had a week for couple play when he came home from work. Tending to your marriage keeps you equiped to do ministry ANOTHER time. Be stategic.
Amy
seesawfaith says
Hi Micca ~
One of the best things I have ever done for my marriage is that I changed the way I talked about and to my husband.
About: The more negative things I “gossiped” about with my friends, the more negative things I noticed about him. The more I pointed out his good qualities to my friends, the more good qualities I noticed. I have 2 friends that I can “unload” on and they know to stop me when I start to progress to whining and complaining. They also bust me if I am negative in my speech about him when I am speaking to him or others.
To Him: Every chance I get I compliment him in front of others. I find something positive in every situation. He gets a little embarrassed but it lets him know I see the things about him that are good and that I appreciate who he is. It also helps others to get to know him better.
Amber says
Everyone has left such wonderful ideas!!! A lot of them I need to try! My only tip is to cook. I make my hubby’s breakfest, lunch, and dinner. I might seem simple to most, but at his job none of the other wives care enough to do that. I even slip in little love notes as a surprise to brighten his day.
Shannon says
My husband and I basically grew up together….Meaning, we got married at 18 and 19 years of age. With a child in our arms already. There were times it would have been easier to separate ways. But we both considered it,”not an option”. Over the passed quite a few years, I have done much reading and research on marriage. A few things I have learned are
1. pray for my husband
2. stroke his ego. Tell him things that he needs to know. That seems to really go along ways
3. obstaing from intimacy actually creates bigger problems. It seems backwards, but if you try to solve problems, and obstain from intamacy, it usually creates bigger problems
4. every once in a while, we just need to sit down and talk about what is on each others minds. We sometimes get into a rut, and then don’t communicate. WE need to regroup, and solve through it all
5. I used to think we shouldn’t fight in front of the kids. But they also need to see that real life happens, and they also need to see us make up. Problem solve through things
That is all I can think of for now.
Shannon
Dana says
I must sadly admit that my husband is the better "romancer" in our marriage. He is very creative in the things he does to "prompt" the sex. He is very well aware of my "love" languages (I am bilingual) and uses them to surprise me.
This is my fave: I had to work nights once for my job and arrived home aroun 2:00 AM. Being a cake decorator, you can imagine how BADLY I wanted to take a shower and wash away the "blues"…& pinks…& greens…you get the point! I reached through the shower curtain and turned on the shower, adjusted the water, and hopped in! I closed my eyes and drifted off to someplace else (usual for me – the shower is my refuge) as the warm water cascaded over my face. When I opened my eyes and reached over for the body wash, Something caught my eye…you know those bathtub letters you buy for your kids to play with? The were arranged kinda high up the side of my shower wall…as I studied them a little closer, I realized that they spelled out: I LUV DSM.
It was the sweetest thing ever! Needless to say, my shower was quick and he was awakened to sweet kisses, I love yous, and….yes…sex! I agree! It's a simple tip…but a priceless one!
Shanda says
Micca & Friends,
I loved your blog and responses today! It is so essential to cultivate our marriages and to pursue our spouses. I very rarely notate my blog on someone else's, but on Fridays I dedicate my blog to "Marital Moments." Thoughts to encourage, enrich, and add laughter to your marriage. I invite guest bloggers to contribute to that column occasionally as well. So if you are looking for a weekly marital encouragement, I am at http://ateachableheart.blogspot.com
Many Blessings!
Shanda
Danielle says
The things that have helped me… and in turn have helped my friends to whom I’ve been able to share a tidbit of marriage advice…. is all wrapped up in one key word:
RESPECT
We are taught our who lives that marriage is all about LOVE… but to out husbands, respect is the key. When I tell my husband I respect him, he melts. When I show him I respect him, he blossoms and becomes so much more than he even was before. Respect is the glue of our marriage.
Even tho there are many days where I forget to put that key principal in use. I am often reminded of what power it holds. I can turn a bad day into a good one with just a few words and an attitude that conveys respect of my husband.
Lelia Chealey says
Hi Micca,
Here's my tip:
If your husband has a passion whether it be fishing, football,golf…get interested in it. Not to the point that you 2 can never have time apart, but once in awhile you can join him. My husband loves the Dallas Cowboys. I used to feel like I was competing against the 'Boys until I started making Monday night football a big deal in our home. The girls donned Cowboy colors and I made chicken wings and his favorite dessert. I don't sit & watch every game with him, but I do try to make the Cowboy games special. He loves it…even writes out the teams schedule of games for me. 🙂
He loves that I've shown an interest in something he enjoys when he knows I'd rather be reading a book.