It’s hard to be seen at your worst. Perhaps that’s why our deepest tears are often shed alone. We’re afraid friends will tire of our struggles, so we keep them to ourselves, especially the ugly ones that we can’t quite manage to put behind us.
I remember feeling this way after my spouse died. Not wanting to be a drag, I kept my grief to myself.
One day, a group of friends and me decided to see the movie, “Steal Magnolias.” I had no idea the impact this movie would have on me and my hidden emotions.
I was enjoying the movie until Shelby, played by Julia Roberts, is found unconscious on the floor by her husband Halloween night. I griped my seat tightly and felt a lump form in my throat when the next scene flashed across the screen. Sally Fields, who played Shelby’s mother, comes rushing down the hallway of the hospital. Shelby was in a diabetic coma.
I knew the kind of fear that was written across the actresses face. I’ve felt her anxiety because I had been there. I’ve been in a similar hallway that lead to an injured loved one. I also know what it feels like to get bad news. It feels like you’ve been kicked in the stomach and can barely breathe.
I held it together until the graveyard scene.
“It hurts! I’m so angry! I want to know, ‘why?” cried the mother. Suddenly, I could no longer hold back the flood of emotion and grief. I excused myself, got up, ran to my car. Falling across the back seat, I wept alone.
In despair I longed for the comfort of friends but feared they would tire of me if I opened up. I was wrong to think this way. True friends want to help. Day after day, my dear friends would ask me what I needed. Instead of sharing with them, I pretended to be stronger than I was. I pretended to be a steal magnolia.
Then one evening when the heartache was more than I could bear. I decided to let someone in. I called a friend in the middle of the night. To my surprise, she showed up at my door in her PJ’s with chocolate in hand.
I talked—all night. She listened. It was the best therapy in the world! We cried together and laughed together. I could feel my grief lift. From then on, I decided to be real and share my pain with those who cared about me. Before long, I was sharing my story at speaking events. It was hard at first, but over the years it’s been an avenue of healing.
I learned a great lesson from these two occasions. We’re not meant to grieve alone. Tears without an audience, without someone to hear and care, leave the wounds unhealed. When someone listens to our groaning’s and stays there, we feel something change inside us. Despair seems less necessary and hope begins to stir where before there was pain.
Do you need to share your hurt today? I’d love to pray for you. I also want you to know that you’re not alone. The bible says, “Draw near to God and He’ll draw near to you.” God wants to heal your hurts. Sometimes He uses others.
Dot says
Please pray for me and my family. We are going through very difficult circumstances. We are in need of some miracles. Thanks for your prayers.
Maria says
I am standing in the need of pray. I am grieving the lost of some relationships in my life, and the heartbreak is trying to consume me daily. Please pray for my emotional healing, and strength. I am asking God to help me not make any decisions out extreme emotions, especially negative ones like anxiety, fear, rejection, anger, and despair.
Kathi says
Yes, please pray that my adult children will come to know Jesus as Lord and Savior of their lives. One son is into going to clubs and partying, he has a 5-year old daughter and needs to step up as a father; my other son is married but both him and his wife are dating other people, they have two sons together and he has a daughter with his first wife; and my daughter is married, her husband does drugs, they have two sons and a daughter and the children have been exposed to it. Thank you and God bless!!
Liz Velazquez says
This came at a great time. Your words were so spot on and what’s funny is I watched this movie not long after my mom passed. She died Sept 2012 after a short battle with Cancer which go her I’m sure felt like eternity. My sisters and I took care of her. When she took her last breath a sense if relief came over me, I was numb from the pain and sadness. I thought that I was prepared for this but noone is ever prepared. She’s been gone now six months and yes it does get easier but now my family is falling apart. I feel like I have to be the glue but I don’t have the strength to do it. In the midst of all the fixing I also feel I have not really grieved the way I need to. I too cry alone. Thank you for listening 🙂
Danielle Street says
Thank you for sharing your heart, Micca. It’s amazing how God will place people in our lives to help us when we are weak. I love how you reminded us we need to have the courage to reach out and ask for help. Through various trials I experienced such as being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease to having a rocky marriage that was heading towards divorce, I spent way too much time trying to put a smile on my face and hoping no one would notice I was screaming on the inside. When I finally started being more genuine with people, that’s when I was able to learn how to depend on God’s mighty power to endure the hardship.
Love and Blessings,
Danielle Street
Donna B says
Micca,
Loved this and have been there. Loved the comment “Tears without an audience, without someone to hear and care, leave the wounds unhealed.” What an amazing truth and a incredible way to look at tears. Reminds me of a message I just heard about how Jesus wept over the city of Jeresulem as He entered on the back of a donkey and how the shortest verse in the Bible is “Jesus wept.”.
Continuing to pray for you and your family as you come alongside your Pastor and his family.
Love ya and HAPPY HAPPY Easter!
Carol says
I need prayer! I’m struggling, feeling all alone and don’t know if there’s anyone that would show up for me in the middle of the day much less in the middle of the night in pj’s. The one person that I would call my closest friend, we are not as close as we were this time last year and it breaks my heart. I have been battling several minor health issues, one after another and now have broken my ankle. While in a cast, it is making me feel more separated from others and alone. I know it’s a battle and I keep hanging on asking for His strength.
melissa says
Hi Micca,
I love reading your blogs. Please pray for me and my family as well. We are dealing with some physical and mental illnesses.
Thank you.
Jackie S. says
Love your blog ….very inspiring! Please pray for me/Husband in health issues. Also, pray for daughter, single Mom, in job, health, finances; for grandson/college plans, oral surgery, and bad relations with his
Dad.
Thanks!!
Micca says
Praying for you and your family today, Jackie. God bless! Micca
Mary Puentes says
Thank you for your words…never cry alone…I think that I’m being strong, but today I broke…alone again…..I feel like the only thing I have to discuss with my friends is my situation with my husband (mediation proceedings). I hate being a drama queen and Debbie downer …I put on a good face and try to deal with it and be strong. I am grateful for the love of Jesus in getting me through each day. Without Him, I am nothing! I am frightened about what comes next with selling my house (possibly to him) knowing that he will be here enjoying what should have been ours for a very long time. Spring is proving to be difficult…I will do all the labor and he will enjoy the spoils…..and then there are the boys (21 and 23)…so much to handle after 24 years of marriage…..thanks for letting me share my story….I’ll see you April 19th in NJ….Can’t wait to meet you!
Micca says
Hi Mary,
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m listening and hear your heart. I can understand your fear, but God doesn’t want you to be afraid. He wants you to trust Him even when our plans don’t turn out like we had hoped. God has promised you a future and a hope. So hope onto faith. God’s got this and He’s got you!
Can’t wait to meet you, too!
blessings, Micca
Trish says
Thank you!
Please pray for my husbands heart to turn back to God fully and ask God to soften him. Also, my faith that God is working in my family and marriage.
God Bless!!!
Micca says
Thank you for your comment, Trish. I’m happy to pray for your husband and marriage today. You keep praying, too. God longs for your husband’s heart to be His more than you do!
blessings, Micca
Kim J says
Wow, did God use you today to deliver a message I needed to hear!! I have a chronic illness and I can’t even tell you the amount of times I break down and cry alone. Chronic means that my condtion is an everyday thing, I try to be strong on the outside, but inside I am falling apart. I know I have friends who care about me, but I also feel that they get tired of hearing about my problems, and they are many.
Would you please pray that God will help me and give me the courage to REALLY talk with my friends about how I feel. I just need to feel validation from them, so hard. I know that I am just a small part of their world, as their lives go on as normal, but encouragement here and there would be so appreciated. I do feel alone and isolated at times, but God whispers to me at these times, ” I am with you!”
Thank you so much for this timely devotion!
Micca says
Dear Kim,
God is with you–always! He’s given you the gift of friendship. I don’t always have the answer for my friends, but I do have a caring heart and listening ear. Sometimes it helps just to talk it out. God also says, “be strong and courageous!” Talk with your friends. I’m sure you’ll be glad you did and so will they. I’m praying for you today.
blessings, Micca
Holly says
Thank you so much for being open & honest, Micca! If I could go back & do things differently, I would reach out more so others would know how I was really doing. Think it would have made a big difference in dealing with my abusive marriage & the divorce.
I am really struggling now between my health problems & the emotional of 5 deaths last year (Grandad, Dad, Grandmother, & 2 friends to cancer). Unfortunately I really don’t have anyone to talk to. Daddy wants to be there from me, but emotional stuff is too much for him. Mother is too caught up in her own feelings to even allow anyone to share what they are going through, & everyone else has their own lives. I know they care, but they can’t come to me (I am pretty much home bound right now) & don’t have time to talk on the phone. I know God is always with me & He cares, but sometimes I just wish I had a special friend with skin on.
Micca says
Dear Holly, God does care and He is willing and able to work in your situation. Talk to HIm. I’ve found when I draw near to God, He draws near to me. Sometimes, I close my eyes and envision myself sitting in the lap of my heavenly father and laying my head on his shoulder like his disciple John. Sitting in His presence, I’m reminded that God is in control. He loves me and He has promised me good. The same goes for you, too. Hang in there friend. I’m praying for you today.
blessings, mIcca
June says
Thanks for writing this Micca. Would love for you to pray for me and my twin sister. We lost our mom 3 years ago. It’s still very hard for us. She was just saying two days ago, ya know, not one of my friends were there for me… grieving alone is very hard.
Micca says
Dear June, I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom. While we need tangle touches of comfort from others, it’s not always available. It’s not always been available to me either. I’m thankful for those who did come alone side of me. When that didn’t happen it taught me to keep my eye open for others who needed a shoulder to cry on. What I found was we comforted each other. I also drew close to God. In doing so, I felt his presence draw near to me. I try not to forget that God knows my pain and grief. He suffered loss, too, and He understands. He comforts us so that we can comfort others.
I’m thankful you and your sister have one another to cry with, comfort and remember the wonderful memories of you mom.
sweet blessings, Micca
marie says
I would so appreciate prayer. My son is in his first year of college and seems so lost. He’s questioning his faith and I am so consumed with anxiety and fear. But God is big enough to answer these questions, right?
Micca says
Hi Marie, At some point, most have questioned their faith–especially during the college years. I’m happy to pray for your son. I also want to encourage you, him and others that our faith is not based on feelings but God’s Word. 1 John 5:11-13 tells us we can KNOW we have eternal life. Our assurance is based on God’s promises such as Romans 10″9 and John 5:24. Our assurance is also based on God’s character. “God who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ is faithful.” 1 Cor 1:9. God is faithful – That is, God is true, and constant, and will adhere to his promises. He will not deceive. He will not promise, and then fail to perform; he will not commence anything which he will not perfect and finish. One of my favorite verse is 1 Thess 5:24, “The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.” May God’s promises bring you peace and comfort today.
blessings, Micca
Pam says
I thought I was getting married. My fiance’ suddenly became someone I didn’t know or recognize. I found out things that shocked me, paralyzed me with self over analyzing.I feel betrayed, raped,lied to, cheated on,etc.I feel like I need to be on a 20-20 show. We all feel we don’t know who he really was. What if anything was real? It can drive you crazy.I just want to heal and move on.Want God to supernaturally speed the process for me. Here I go with not trusting men again. Never wanted or thought I would be here again. I think I am still in shock………..in the aftermath of the storm that ripped through my heart and life.Wonder if it is just the enemy or if he has mental health issues. Wonder if he is o.k. Please pray for us. We are not together and will not be getting back together. Thanks!Blessings!