I hated it when he had to be gone for a whole week. It seemed like an eternity, and I missed him terribly. In fact, I missed him before he ever left. Parting was such agony. I would kiss and hug him again and again trying to store up enough affection that would last me until he returned. It was never enough. As soon as Porter drove away, it felt as if someone had torn him from my side. I would mope around the apartment thinking about him and wonder if he was thinking about me. I missed his laugh, I missed him coming home at night, I missed seeing and touching him.
When he returned home, our reunion was such bliss. I was always waiting on him to arrive in his company parking lot. Porter was my whole world.
When he died, I felt betrayed by God. For a while, I turned my back on my faith because it felt as if God had turned His back on me. Sound familiar to anyone?
My emotions often told me I was alone in my pain and that my grief over the death of Porter would never end. During the day, I could control my feelings. There was much to do that would occupy my mind. When night fell, all appeared cold, lonely, and depressing. I used sleep like a drug. I would escape from my heartache and drift into the unconsciousness of slumber land. This was no way to live. I had to make a choice.
Like many, I could have given up on life, remained in my grief, hardened my heart, and given way to bitterness. Instead, I decided to give God a second change. I learned to trust Him, again.
You can too.
The truth is, throughout the ages, God has always been near to the broken-hearted, and still is today. From the cloud in your storm, God is leading, protecting, and providing for you, too, no matter what your emotions say.
While this tragedy caused me to doubt God’s love and promises, I had to trust God over my emotions. That was my first step toward trusting God, again. It took me awhile, but eventually I learned to say, “Lord, this is not what I planed or even what I want, but I trust you.” Submitting to God’s will in that way allowed peace to flood my entire being. Besides, God promised that Porter and I would meet again. Not on this earth, but in our heavenly home. Only this time, he’ll be waiting for me.
If some situation or heartache has caused you to doubt God’s love and provision, will take a step of faith today? Will you choose to trust Him over your emotions? If you do, your heavenly Father will take it from there…
To read my story, click on Micca’s story above.
If you need prayer today, would you leave a comment? You don’t have to go into details. Just say, “I need prayer,” and I will gladly lift you to the Father’s throne.
Be sure and visit again tomorrow! I will have a guest posting tomorrow—my dear friend, Karen Barrows, and she will bless your heart!
Pray for my family, especially my son, Chris, who is looking for a job.
Thank you! I want to trust God’s truth despite my emotions. Regardless of how I feel on any given day, I know I am saved from my sin through Him. I don’t understand it and I have a hard time remembering it in the midst of a storm. Thank you for the reminder! Thank you for sharing God’s work in your life.
I need prayer please.
I need prayer. My husband has lost his job. That was 6 months ago. Worse than that, I have lost my faith in God. Well, maybe not completely, but it is surely not the same. There are other disappointments; unsaved son in las, daughters who have turned heir backs on God,financial calamity for my father’s state and my 92 year old mother,alcoholic brothers, broken-hearted girlfriends,friends who lost their 23 year old son. Add it all up and it makes my faith weak.I thought I had strong faith, but when one thing after another comes into your life, it reaches the very heart of your faith….and you ask questions. ; then you get angry at God. Then bitterness sets in. That is where I was/am…until I read two things this morning before I have to go to work. It is my birthday. I don’t feel happy today so I threw my cards in the trash. I think I will get them out now and set them up on the shelf…in hopes that God will find me.
I need prayer, right now my husband, our youngest son, and I are sorta in a place of no community. We dont’ really have people to do things with. It is lonely.
Wish you were here, I could use a friend too.
I need prayer in understanding God’s plan for my life. I am struggling right now!
I need prayer! Thank you for showing your heart and sharing your story!
Micca, thank you for sharing your story, it has encouraged me greatly today. Needing some prayer as dealing with some pain in my life but learning to trust God has my best interest at heart. Will keep you in my prayers as well. Thank you. In His Grip, Sharon
Micca,
Please pray for my son who lost his wife, love of his life, his soul mate two years ago tomorrow,1-12-12. We lost her to stomach cancer that moved to her intestines. Very rare for 26 year old young woman. He nursed and cared for her 24/7 and never left her side. God has blessed us to be able to do that for him. She was an amazing young woman!! We all still struggle, but especially him. It all still seems so fresh. He has a good relationship with God, which I am thankful for. He made the comment the other day “Well God took Kelly from me so surely….” So that made me know he struggles at that level also.
Your story touched me so much. What you have gone through and I know God sent your words to us this morning on this impending anniversary. He feels no one can know how he feels…just like you mentioned in your words, so alone. Let me be clear, he does not wrap himself in pity. He tried hard to be King of good attitude…but it just keeps over coming him…which you may say is very normal at times. My son’s name is Joshua.
Thank you in advance for your prayers and I praise God what he has done for you in your life and sharing it with others.
I need prayer today. Thanks
I please need prayer for my two sons. and my brother and sister-in-law who haave so much going on in their lives..mostly negative things.
I need prayer. I have had a lot of loss these past 3 years, not through death or divorce but circumstances that aren’t as recognizable as the great losses they are. However, the devastation to my heart and the emotional wasteland I live in are very real to me and I feel like the happy years of my life are over
I need your prayers. I lost my beloved brother 8 months ago. I was his only family and we were so close. He had suffered a brain stem hemorrhage a year before after two years of battling a benign tumor behind his ear. The last year of his life was spent in hospitals, nursing homes and emergency rooms. He laid in a bed his last year totally dependent on others to move him with tube feedings and a good portion of the year on respirators. While I find peace in knowing he is with his Lord and whole and happy now, my anger just consumes me sometimes that he suffered so much the last few years of his life. I second guess my choices in his care…..if I had decided this instead of that….maybe he would have gotten better. He loved the Lord and lived his life for him. He was such a good man and I don’t understand why he had to go through so much. It really hurts.
Thanks Micca for this great word of encouragement. My dear friend and colleague in ministry, Maggie Rowe, sent me your link. She and I had been talking about this very issue of ministering to women who are in such darkness due to trauma or tragedy. I’ve subscribed to your link and will look forward to reading it. My blog is an on-going fiction project devoted to the topic of faith.
Under the same wing,
Joleen Steel
Hi Micca,
Thanks for your post today. I have been struggling with a health situation that has been going on for 3 years. The doctors agree that there is something seriously wrong but they cannot diagnose the illness. I sometimes feel that I must have done something really wrong in order for God to leave me feeling so awful for so long. I know this is one of Satan’s lies, but after you have been sick for so long, you really start to get worn down. I cry out to God and tell him that if the tables were turned, I would have provided a diagnosis to Him by now…
Your comments today really helped me put my situation in the proper perspective. I will print it off and keep it in my purse to read when I am feeling discouraged. Thanks again!
I need a prayer as I face new cancer and surgery.
Hello, I lost my husband 4 months ago, he was 50, I am 45. I am in so much pain. I am trying to have the hope that God does work everything together for good, but I am left with 2 sons, 15 and 12. Please pray for my family.
Thanks for sharing your story.
I need prayer for my sister.
I need prayer.
My husband had an affair, and since I have struggled in my relationship with God. Seems silly, I know, but sometimes I get so angry with Him for allowing me this pain in my life. Not only do I need to learn how to trust my husband again, but I’m finding that I have to learn to trust God. I wish there was a step-by-step list of instructions. I’ve just begun reading your book. I’m sorry for your loss and your hurt. Thank you for sharing it with me.
Penny, I feel your pain…my husband, of 8 years at the time, left me a year ago. Told me we were finished, that we had to move out of our rental and that I had to find a home for our then 6 year old daughter and myself. Turns out he was having an affair with our pastor’s wife and as I was moving out, she and her 4 kids started moving in and he moved back in. He has had an ongoing affair for a year now. He is planning for divorce. The pain and hurt has been so unbearable at times, but God has a plan for my life. I know God can heal my family, if it is His will. I don’t know if telling you a little of my story helps, but when I saw your comment I thought “I know her pain”. Hang in there, trust God and I pray you can trust your husband again. -Liz
As a widow of 2 years now, I, too, am at a place where I’m having to learn to trust God all over again because I felt so betrayed by Him when my husband died. Acknowledging that God is in control and that even though I don’t like His plan for my life, but will trust Him is hard, but I’ve no choice now but to do it. He’s all that I have.
I’m so glad I found your blog! I have struggled with the anger and disappointment at God for almost six years. I go back and forth, emotionally, between victory and defeat, but I want to remain in victory. Reading that you experienced the same thing, and put a ” voice” to it has put me closer to the victory side today. I know God directed me here today. Thank you for your openness and honesty. I know this is just the beginning and I will continue to need prayer, but it’s hope for a fresh start.
I need prayer. Thank you for your story, it gives such encouragement.
Dear Micca, Please if you have time–could you add us to your list. I lost my husband 8 years a go and my daughter is having her 2nd daughter with an abusive boyfriend any day now. My family has shunned her and they do not even want me to go to the hospital when she has the baby. My family is so torn apart–please pray for us we need prayers.. Thank you and many blessings, Barb Wall
I need prayer.
I need prayer so desperately
Pray please for my sister and daughter whom are both unemployed. They have both been doing everything they can to get a job for the last year, but nothing has materilized and now disappointment and depression is beginning to set it. Thank you Micca for all you do through your ministry. Hugs!
hi i just got this because God has been asking me some hard things, i really didnt want to obey Him because i was mad. then i went to proverb 31 and landed here. oddly enough. Well, i have the exact feelings you said and i havent voiced them. I have been through some bad stuff not like some but pretty bad and i think this is the first time i have come to admit that i have been angry and bitter at GOD. I didnt think i was, i lost something which i loved well when i had to start life over again i realized i was angry at alot of people. Im really bitter and didn;t think i could start over, felt like God had jipped me gave me His second best and also HOW could you ask me to go through ANY thing else. I was angry and mad and felt like i just didnt want to live anymore. i didnt. So im not through it yet but im getting there, tho i have lost precious time and precious things b/c of other ppls foolishness. I am trying to get over my attitude towards God but i totally relate to what you are saying, i just felt like it was to much for one person. and i didnt want anything to do with GOD even tho on the outside i said nothing or felt like nothing was wrong inwardly i thought He was unfair. So there is where i am, iguess if you could just pray for me and thanks for sharing.
Failing marriage, diagnosis of depression, overwhelmed with fears. It is so hard to trust in God. I want to be able to pray His will be done, but I fear what will be asked. His plan may be ultimately for my good, but getting there could be a long road.
I need prayer that my son D.J and i can mend our differences and be a loving family again! Along with my grandson who is 8 mos. old ,who I miss so much!! Thank you and god bless!
Thank you, your prayers are most welcome.
Thank you for your prayers.
I need prayer pretty desparately. I find myself in doubt and my walk with the Lord is very shaky. I have been battling drug addiction and troubling emotions for a number of years. Many times I doubt God’s love, His salvation, peace and promises because of the hurtful way I am living. I’m doing things that I know are wrong, but I do them anyways because I don’t trust God to work things out in my life as I think that He should. So I guess I need assurance from Him that He is with me, I’m not doomed, there is still hope and that I will again experience hope, peace, and a brighter tomorrow. Thank you.
Please pray for me and my family. Thank you.
I need prayer; my daughter needs prayer! THANKS so much!!
I need prayer
It’s been 4 months today since my 13-year old son went to heaven, and I miss him so much that my heart aches.
Today I found out that my mom is having a health crisis. Life’s trials are overwhelming at times.
Thank you for sharing your story of courage in overcoming your emotions to find joy again.
May the Lord continue to bless you.
please pray for my son for healing and a pardoned hes received but has not been released yet and for me my unbelieving heart. thank you, this story came to me at the right exact time!
I need prayer about my job. My friends dad is passing away and her and her dad r unsaved pls pray someone leads him to the lord saving arms. Hes I. Iowa thank u.
Your story showed me things could be worse but it really hit me. I like you am going through heartache but its due to a break up not death;however, regardless heartache is heartache but I’ve had a hard time trusting int the Lord again because his word said he’s closest to the broken hearted but I feel like He’s worlds away from me and is letting me be sad and broken hearted. So I need prayer to trust in the Lord again I need things to be okay again
Hello, thank you for the devotion you wrote for today! Please pray for me and my family. Thank you!
Thank you for your words of encouragement. Your prayer is greatly appreciated. More happiness to you and your family.
I need prayers to trust God completely amidst my pain & healing.
Thank you!
Great post. I need prayer, please!
I really really need prayer right now please. Pray for me.
I need prayer!
I need prayer and also for my son. He has been separated from his wife for about 9 months and is going down to see her this weekend. I would love for God to give him direction….
I need prayer
Hi Micca. Was really blessed by your post! Please keep me in your prayer…
Need to trust God above my emotions! Letting go seems so tough and memories too fresh…
Lost the love of my life and cancelling my marriage just 10 days before the actual day! Feel alone, dejected and horrible. There’s so much disappointment, broken dreams, crushed hopes, so much love that was contained for the person whom I was to spend my life with. Like having a still born child…
My loved one went to be with Jesus two years ago, and I am just now healing, with the grace of God. He loves and cares for us. Praying for all these requests with you, and thank you for sharing your story.
please pray for me to trust God, I became a believer in 2008 after I found out I had lung cancer, God got me through that but it is like I can’t let go and let God all the way in.
I need prayer. My family really needs me to get a job.
Yesterday when your message came from Proverbs 31 Ministries I was sure that it was written just for me. Just the day before I sat with my husband at the oncologist’s office and received the news that the colorectal cancer that had already spread to the right lung had made more advances over the last 4 months-the mass in the right lung has grown, a new lymph node in the right lung, a lymph node by the esophagus and now a spot in the left lung. I have been a Christian for 39 years-I know the verses and the “right” answers but right now I feel like the black sheep of God’s family-so tired, so scared. Amazing, your message from Proverbs 31 was sent again today!
Wow…do I need prayer. A lifelong battle with fear, doubt, anxiety has reared back up again. I think…perhaps I have never fully trusted God. Perhaps I do not fully believe He loves me enough to really care about how badly I hurt. Yes…I believe and thank him for the cross. But, beyond that…I struggle.
I know we are to trust God, but how do we know when we are trying to take care of things ourselves vs trusting God? I know this sounds confusing, but how do we know what his Will is? Obviously I am struggling and am in a waiting mode and want to move past this pain. My pain is quite small compared to others I see. My job was eliminated and I know He is trying to teach me something, but I feel like a failure. My husband and daughter are sometimes patient, but I feel like a failure in their eyes too. Then I remember that we are more than our jobs, that God loves us in spite of what we do.
Please pray that I can see this dark time through and to understand my value in God. I appreciate your prayers!
My husband of almost eight years went to heaven on December 22, at age 32. He’d been fighting cancer for years, but he’d gotten really sick in the last few months. We have a 3 year-old little boy and a little girl due in a few weeks. I know my husband is perfect and healthy now, and I’m so thankful for that, because was incredible set an amazing example for everyone around him. But my heart aches for my children. They deserve to know this amazing man too, and they will never really know their father. I’m scared. I know God will take care of us, but I know it’s going to be hard. I’m glad I found your blog. I know God is using you to bless so many people.
Is it too late to ask for prayer? Just anxiety, fear, and worry. I have your book and it has helped so much, but there are still times that it consumes me.
Please pray for me. I am struggling with depression. Many days it is hard to just get out of bed much less work. I have a lot of guilt. I know that I am not being a good wife or mother right now. I worry that my children are suffering because of me. Please pray for God to heal me!
Sometimes I feel God’s presence so much it overwhelms me…reading this entry was one of those times; you see, I struggle with emotions, doubt, depression, insecurity and so much more. So often I want to do what’s right but am unable. I long for my emotions to match my desire. Please pray for me because I want to trust Him over my emotions.
Micca: I desperately need prayer. Thank you, sister! Reenie Davis Davis
Got you covered, sister! Love you!!
Micca, Thank you for being willing to be vulnerable and share such personal experiences. They are truly a source of encouragement. God’s faithfulness and restoration are constant through out the storms of life…Although it doesn’t always feel like it at the time. Even though I know this, it’s still a struggle with putting faith into action. Would love to win a copy of your new book. Blessings to you.
Times are tough, but it is so good to be reminded that God is in control of our lives, not us. there is truly peace in that.
Hi, my name is Melissa & I need prayer. I have turned my emotions in to God but sometimes reality doesn’t allow me to move forward. No matter how many times or how hard I try. I believe in my heart God brought me a wonderful man… We were not married & we don’t even live together & right now we’re not even a couple. I refuse to let go of Gods promise so emotionally I suffer because I wanna be with him, knowing at this time I can’t. I’m being obedient to Gods will but its hard & it hurts.
Hi,
My name merri. I need prayer. Currently very emotional with my close friend for 4,5 years. We have been very close and spend time together but suddently happen to my business bankcrupt and he left me and go with another women and he slept with that women.
And we also have business together and he did not fullfill his job desk because not feel comfortable again with me until yesterday he ask me to meet up but suddently he cancel the promise without notice it to me and I wait for him many hour.
At this time I feel he play at my emotional and respect. He don’t treat me nive again.
I am so emotional I call him for 35 x but he didn’t pick the phone. Also message him but he don’t even reply.
Just reply to close our company by email is enough.
I feel so bad after 4,5 years of friendship he did this to me.
I am disspointed and feel not fair. Why he did this to me.
Please help me pray before my emotional cannot control.
I’m in a bad situation at home. Dealing with alcoholism from my Uncle and rageholism from my mother and verbal abuse from her. In the past I have been raped, sexually abused, emotionally abused, physically abused by many different people. My pain and my sorrow could fill up two baseball stadiums. I lost my father in 2008 to dementia. I have done everything I could to find a job over the last two years to no avail. I’ve asked to stay with people just to get out of the situation and nobody can help me. I’ve spoken with my church. I’ve spoken with my mother continually about the situation at home and even trying to get her to go to counseling. Nothing is changing. I feel despair and like God has abandoned me. I know this isn’t truth. This is just my feelings and they aren’t right or wrong. They are just feelings. But I don’t know how to trust God more than my feelings. And I keep running into a cycle of hoping desperately and having them dashed so I feel despair. I’m sick of hope and I hate the emotion and want to do nothing with it. I don’t know how to Companion with God on this. I pray everyday. I’ve been a christian since the age of 7. My boyfriend and my pastor both said that God hasn’t abandoned me. And said that God is not keeping me in this situation to torture me or to make me suffer. God doesn’t take pleasure from seeing me suffer but I’m having a hard time. My brain is like F you to God and my heart is like why God are you being cruel and heartless. You really care about me…? I mean really…what about my situation. This isn’t safe its been getting worse. I want to trust him more than my feelings but I just don’t know how. Would you pray for me.
i need prayer.
Prayer is all I need.I Don’t want struggle anymore