We’ve all got them. A life plan. It’s what we envision our future to be like and we set goals to get there. But God… He is always messing up my life plan.
After I married, my life was going exactly like I had dreamed it would go. Then, after 2 short years of marriage, my husband died in a tragic accident. There I was—alone, a mother of an infant son, and a widow at the age of 21. This was not my plan. But God took a bad situation and used it for good.
My pain drove me into His loving arms. There, I discovered who God was compared to simply knowing about God. My worst fear (losing someone I loved) produced a great faith in my God. It compelled me to know Him more and more until one day I was ready—ready to be used for His kingdom.
While God didn’t cause my husbands death, He used it for my good. He messed up my life plan to do for me what I couldn’t do myself.
Here’s the thing. God knows what He’s doing. It may seem strange to us—even painful—but our loving Father knows what’s best for us.
So if God has messed up your plan or dream, take heart. He’s not left you or made some mistake. He isn’t punishing you. He’s doing just the opposite. God is doing something in your life far greater than you can imagine. You’re right where you need to be because His plan is far better than yours.
Thank you for the encouragement Micca. It is so appreciated. I needed desperately to hear that. My heart is so filled with hurt that it is hard to grasp the idea that I am not being punished because that is exactly what it feels like at times. Yesterday, I was thanking Him while in the midst of such heartache, because I was able to understand what He was doing and that it was for GOOD and not for evil. Today, though I still understand, the emotional pain is so bad that I just want to not be here anymore. The journey has been so very very long and sometimes the best answer seems to be to just give up. I grew up in an environment that caused me to be terrified of God, totally unloved and uncared for, valueless, totally emotionally and physically numb , allowing people to do and/or say whatever they wanted to me and then laughing about. I was sexually abused from infancy through the age of five, my mom never wanted me, allowed a doctor to name me and then resented the fact that she did not name me, stood up to the sexual abuser and made me feel that I was to blame because I allowed it, had nothing kind to say to me, beating me bare bottom with a belt for things I have no idea what about, pushed me down the basement stairs which sometimes I have wished I had not survived , only to be told by my dad that my mother loved me and he never wanted to hear otherwise coming out of my mouth and then to later marry a person who horribly abused me over and over again only to be told by ALL Christian counselors that I was to STAY in my abusive marriage because God wanted to do something good and that I was to do what my husband told me to do and to just love him through it because that is what God wanted of me as I was shown passages in the bible to back it all up. So sometimes, even though I KNOW in my heart that the pain that I must feel is part of the process I must walk through in order to heal, I find myself wrestling deep within at times with the concept of GOODNESS. To be told that the abusers loved me, so my concept of their actions vs how it all made me feel gets a bit tangled with God’s love for me and all that He brings me to that is so incredibly painful also. If God were NOT in my life, I would have given up al very long time ago. If I did not truly believe that there was a hell I would not care that there was a heaven. What the people, who claimed they loved me , did to me was a total abomination and at the same time, I have loved them and forgiven them and my HOPE has been in the experiential knowledge that GOD will NEVER leave me, that He is for me, even though it feels at time the absolute opposite, that HE IS FOR ME NOT AGAINST ME, that His plans for me are GOOD even when it appears bad. Sometimes it just is not so easy to hold onto the TRUTH so thank you for reminding me. I surely needed it!
Dear friend,
I’m so, so sorry about the many sufferings and abuse you’ve been through in your life. More importantly, it breaks God’s heart to have His daughter treated in such a way. God loves you and He does desire to bring good out of the bad in your life. First, however, no woman should stay in an abusive marriage. I’m not sure why Christian counselors told you otherwise. Of course, I don’t know the whole story and that’s why it’s not good to give advice through the internet. But I do know an abusive relationship is not God’s plan. And those who abuse you do not have your best interest at heart. Love does NOT hurt others.
It’s okay to feel the hurt. While God has led you to forgive, you must also grieve. Jesus grieved before going to the cross in the garden. Often times, we skip this very import step (grieving) and try to move toward forgiveness and healing. You have a right to grieve but it’s not healthy to stay there. You know this! However, when I say forgive, I don’t mean stay in an abusive situation. Forgiveness is not for the person you hurt you. It’s for you. Forgiveness frees you from the pain (eventually) and keeps you from bitterness. I’m glad you have forgiven these. Keep holding on to God and His promises. He is your hope. He is the answer. And one day, he will bring good out of it all. Think about Beth Moore. She is a bible teacher who was once sexually abused. She was messed up. But God…. She allowed Him to work through the pain. She trusted Him for healing and now God uses her to strengthen and encourage others. There is hope, my friend. I’ve prayed for you today.
My previous comment was unworthy to be posted?
Dear Patricia, Your comment is worth and I want to read it!! At first I didn’t understand why it wasn’t published. It’s because I hadn’t been online yet to approve it. I was teaching bible study this morning at my home church and this is the first time I’ve opened my lap top today. So Sorry for the confusion. See my reply to your original comment.
And His plan to have you help me draw nearer to Him ….I’m so thankful! You are a beautiful inspiration dear friend!
I’m delighted, Jodie, that God has used my words to inspire you! Blessings, Micca
Thanks for the encouragement. I’ve been battling bitterness and resentment simply because God never gave me the life I wanted. He has given me musical gifts, but I flatly dislike them although I’m great with my skill. I just need the strength and assurance that the sudden detour is worthwhile.