Have you ever sat across from your spouse at a restaurant and didn’t have anything to say to one another? I have. It’s uncomfortable. It’s scary. It makes your mind wonder, “Is he/she bored of our relationship? Have we grown apart? What’s happened to us?”

It may be that we’ve stopped giving our marriage the attention it needs.

I’ve learned one of the greatest hindrances to marriage is not paying attention to our partner. I don’t think we do this consciously.  It’s the demands of everyday life that steal our attention away from our partners — and paying attention to the other is crucial for happy relationships.

I bet you could name those demands in your marriage… work, children, bills, activities, T.V. etc…

Even if your relationship is in some sort of emotional limbo, the good news is you can revive the passion you once felt for one another.

Here are 5 ways to revive your marriage:

1. Pay attention to your spouse.

You may think you’re doing this, but how long has it been since you’ve asked your mate what they need from you? People grow and change. What worked years ago might not be what works today.

As I’ve shared before, without communication there is no relationship. When it comes to communicating, it takes two to tango. Communication is more about listening then it is about talking. For example, when one person is speaking the other must not interrupt. He/she must listen completely before responding. And when responding, it’s good to repeat what you just heard to verify that you heard the other person correctly. When things get heated at my house, this technique is a real gem!

2. Share new experiences together.

My husband and like to take hikes on the weekends. We use to do this before the children came along. Now that they’re grown, we’re back to the trails.

We’ve also taken ballroom dancing together. It was hysterical because we both had two-left feet. We still talk and laugh about it today.

Finding something you can do together not only brings you closer, opens up the lines of communicate, but it puts the spark back into your _______________. I’ll let you fill in the blank!

3. Act as if you’re in a new relationship.

For years we’ve heard, “Have a date night with your spouse once a week.” That’s good advice! But where do you begin?

Ask questions about your spouse. (You just might find something you both would love to do together!) Ask your mate what brings them joy? Or, if they could go anywhere in the world, where would he/she go? Then decorate the dinning room according to the culture and have a romantic dinner for two.

Think about what you did when you first dated…. Hold hands. Hold open the door. Say “please” and “thank-you.” Dating your spouse definitely keeps the magic going.

4. Be kind

When you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s easy to take each other for granted. Being kind to one another changes the tone.  For example, whenever I try to give my husband driving tips, he responds kindly.

“Thank you, honey, for being helpful today.” Yes, he’s being sarcastic, but I get his point and it didn’t offend me. Usually, I laugh at his statement. That’s important, too. Learn to laugh at yourself and with each other. (You did this when you were dating.)

If I were asked to share what has held my marriage together, I’d say two things. One, we laugh at ourselves instead of taking everything so seriously. Two, we choose to forgive each other no matter what.

5. Be affectionate

Studies have shown that touch goes a long way in communicating your feelings.  Try squeezing the hand, or a gentle touch on the face. A pat on the back or an arm around the shoulder is nice, too.

Let’s not forgive the emotional side of things. Complement your spouse for cooking dinner, or tell your husband how talented he is for fixing the car. Use words of endearment as often as you can. You might even call each other during the day just to say, “I love you.”

Most importantly, pray for one another. It’s impossible to fight when you’re in prayer.

Each of these things can do a lot for a so-so marriage. It will draw you back to the same page, have you dating again, and rekindle the passion!

I challenge you to apply this to your marriage and see for yourself what a difference it can make.

 I’m excited to let you know that Vyrso, an ebook platform that reaches a Christian living audience,  has selected An Untroubled Heart to be part of a special ebook promotional bundle May 5–6.

Today, I’m guest posting on the Vyrso blog! Check it out by clicking on this link (http://blog.vyrso.com)

Now, here’s an excerpt from my book, An Untroubled Heart: Finding A Faith Stronger Than All My Fear

My oldest son and his friend, Jamie, had spent the afternoon at our house watching movies up until it was time for Mitch to go to work. It wasn’t ten minutes after they left the house that the phone rang.

 “Mom, I just wrecked my car. I’m okay, but Jamie is hurt. We’re just down the road from our house. Can you come?”

Can I come? What kind of question is that? I was already sitting in my car after he said the word “wrecked.” I just needed to know what direction to go in.

It’s one thing to hear that your child has been in a car accident, but it’s another to witness the scene. The first thing I saw when I arrived was his car upside down and smashed between two trees like a pancake. An ambulance and fire truck were already at the site. Cars lined the road on each side and people came out of their homes to view the accident. Once my mind was able to take it all in, I realized that Mitch and his friend were nowhere in sight.

“WHERE ARE THEY?” I began to shout as I turned in a circle scoping the area for any sign of them. A paramedic took me by the arm and led me toward the ambulance. I felt my body go numb from fear of what I might find inside.

The first person I saw was Mitch. Our eyes met, and without exchanging words, I could tell he was scared, but okay. Jamie, on the other hand, was strapped to a straight board with her back, neck, and head secured. Tears of concern filled my eyes.

“Jamie’s hurt badly,” Mitch said as if I could fix it. At that moment, if I couldn’t fix it, I was sure going to find someone who could. I bent down close to Jamie and took her hand in mine. “I’m here, Sweetie. It’s going to be okay,” I said trying to reassure us both. However, my motherly authority took over when Jamie shared her needs with me. I tried to relay them to the paramedic as calmly as I could.

“I can’t breathe,” Jamie whispered.

“SHE CAN’T BREATH!” I shouted to the paramedic.

“I’m in pain,” she begged.

“SHE’S IN PAIN!” I demanded. Suddenly, I felt as if I needed to lie down on the other side of the ambulance from the adrenalin rush surging through my body due to fear. Fortunately, we all survived the incident and arrived safely at the hospital. Mitch only received a few bumps and burses. Jamie dislocated a few ribs, but after several weeks she, too, was as good as new.

My son may not have been thinking about me before the accident occurred, but immediately afterward, he was aware of the person he needed most. That’s because children are bonded to their parents by a love relationship that they don’t necessarily think about, nor are they conscience of its existence. Yet, in times of trouble, worry, or fear the child instantly realizes the union. That’s because the unique parent/child relationship has all the resources they need for life. The same is true of our relationship with God. We should be eager to “cast our cares on Him because He cares for us” (1 Peter 5:7). And because in Him are all the resources we need for life.

I often take for granted the awesome privilege of being God’s child. As His children, we have the privilege of casting our worries on the Lord with strong confidence that He cares for us. Worry is unnecessary when our God is able and willing to bear our burdens for us. When you and I worry, we are denying the wisdom, love, and provision of God. Like my son, I should be quick to call out to my heavenly Father for help. I need to run to God for comfort and reassurance instead of worrying myself to death. Often I do the opposite. I try to be the adult instead of the child, but I truly want to do better. I want to become so aware of God’s abiding presence in my life that I fall asleep in His arms at night and awake to His presence in the morning.

When everything had settled after the accident, Mitch could no longer hold in his emotions of worry and fear. Burying his head in my chest, he burst into tears. It was his way of releasing his anxieties and casting them on me. Because I love my son, I gladly supported him in the midst of his pain.  Wrapping my arms around Mitch, I reassured him that he was safe.

In the same way, our fears and worries should drive us into the safety of God’s arms. Those who trust in him have tremendous security. We find support in God’s presence when we cast our cares on Him. No worry is too big for our Father to shoulder. Because of His great love for us, He gladly takes away our fears and quiets our hearts with peace. “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you” (Isaiah 26:3). The Lord picks us up out of our wrecked lives while we are still scared and afraid and He comforts us. It’s in God’s loving care that our spirit is renewed and we know for certain there is no safer place on earth.

Don’t forget to check out how you can get my ebook on Vyrso! Tell your friends, too!