“Are you listening to me?” I asked my husband who was driving the car.

“Sometimes I don’t believe you hear a word I say.” I added.  My husband’s response took me by surprise.

“I’m listening. I’m just not responding.” He explained. “I’m wondering why you want to talk about something that might cause an argument on the way to church.” He added.

He was right. My timing was bad and we probably would have ended up in a fight. I shut my mouth, but before doing so I made him promise we would talk later—no matter what!

Communication is hard in a marriage. Someone once said that communication is to a relationship as blood is to the human body. Communication is what nourishes and sustains a relationship. Without it you no longer have a relationship.

We don’t want to go there. So how do we build good communication skills?

We turn to God’s Word. The bible has much to say on the topic.

First, the Word teaches us: We Must Listen to Understand

“Be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger” (Jas 1:19b).

To honor this truth, I’m learning to focus on what is being said rather than how I feel about what’s being said. That’s not all.

I’m trying to focus on the tone of voice and posture of the speaker instead of just his words.

Listening well also means clarifying valid points rather than making accusations and become defensive.

In other words, I should listen to understand; not judge.

Second, We Must Speak to be Understood———————————————-

“When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise” (Pro 10:19).

I’m learning it’s important to be deliberate with regard to what, how and when I choose to express myself to my spouse. These things really matter. Riding to church is not the best time to discuss a problem.

First, I must determine what I really want to express. Then, how do I want to say it?

• With excitement?
• With encouragement?
• With conviction?
• With disappointment? Expression helps clarify what we want to say.

It’s equally important to determine when to speak. It’s probably not best to discuss a problem after a long day at work, and definitely not in front of friends or family. Maybe it’s best to share your heart after a meal, recreation or before bedtime.

 WHAT KIND OF FIGHTER ARE YOU?————————————

Finally, Understand the Way You fight

(Taken from Denis Rainey’s “Preparing For Marriage Book.) 

Did you know that the way you fight is a communication style? It is. What style best describes you?

1.)  Are you a fight to win person? I am. I bring the knives, frying pan and the kitchen sink. I’m determined to win even if someone dies. Okay, that’s a bit dramatic. But a person who fights to win says, “I’m right. You’re wrong.” You seek to dominate the other person. Does this sound like you or your spouse?

2.)  Are you a withdrawer? Do you seek to avoid conflict at all costs? You feel uncomfortable in a fight and you just want to get out. You rarely see any hope for resolving the problem so you give your mate the silent treatment.

3.)  Or are you a yielder? You assume it’s better to go along with the other’s person demands than start an argument. To you a safe feeling is more important than being close.

My husband and I took time to determine which best fit our fighting style. Once we identified how each other fights we better understood one another. I remember thinking, “Oh, that’s why he does that!” Plus, we were never again caught off guard by the others response. I highly recommend you discuss these with your mate.

What we want to achieve when fighting is a loving resolve. This takes a special attitude. In humility, both parties must commit to putting the relationship above the issue. Make your relationship a higher priority than the conflict at hand. Determine it’s not a win/lose situation. Both interest are equally valuable. Then discuss the problem as carefully and as sensitively as you can.

Resolving conflict requires forgiveness. This is the miracle of the Christian life—that we can heal our relationships as Christ healed our relationship with HIm through forgiveness.

ENTER TO WIN!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

Because I care about you and your relationship, today I’m giving away Lysa Terkeurst’s books, Capture His Heart/Capture Her Heart!

 I love these pocket-sized books! My husband and I read our book separately. Then, we went out to eat one night each week to discuss all we learned. What Lysa taught strengthened our marriage and brought us closer together as a couple.

 To enter to win the bundle, leave a comment expressing one thing that spoke to you in this post.

Blessings!

Matthew 21:2, “Go to the village ahead of you, and at once you will find a donkey tied there, with her colt by her. Untie them and bring them to me.” (NIV)

For thousands of years people have been asking the question, “Who is Jesus?” Skeptics first began inquiring about Jesus’ identity during His earthly ministry. As Jesus traveled from town to town, performing miracles and fulfilling prophecy, many would ask, “Is He a prophet or a teacher?” Even though Christ clearly stated He was the Son of God, some still questioned His identity and still do today.

The Passover is one among the many times our Lord’s authority was questioned.

As Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, the citizens cried out, “Who is this?” Everyone noticed His arrival. Some were moved with joy by His presence and laid palm branches on the ground in His honor, others watched in wonder. The Pharisees were most likely filled with envy and indignation. However, Scripture tells us that though He was the King of Glory, Jerusalem knew Him not. (Acts 13:27, KJV)

Earlier that Sunday morning, as Jesus and His disciples neared the city, He said to two of His disciples, “Go to the village ahead of you, and at once you will find a donkey tied there, with her colt by her. Untie them and bring them to me.” (Matthew 21:2, NIV)

Most Bible teachers claim that Jesus rode the donkey through town in order to fulfill the prophecy found in Zechariah 9:9, “Rejoice greatly, O Daughter of Zion! Shout, Daughter of Jerusalem! See, your king comes to you, righteous and having salvation, gentle and riding on a donkey, on a colt, the foal of a donkey.” (NIV)

Not only was prophecy fulfilled, but we also see an example of Christ’s all-encompassing knowledge when He revealed where the donkey could be found. More so, we also catch a glimpse of Christ’s ability to make Himself and His authority known to all living things as the untamed donkey yields to his destiny.

Donkeys, as well as their colts, were known as mean, stubborn creatures, and yet, having never been ridden before, amazingly this wild donkey submits to the authority of Christ. In doing so, the donkey testifies that Jesus is Lord. In this truth lies a very important insight. Within the heart of every living soul, whether man or beast, is the knowledge of God. He placed that knowledge there Himself.

The evidence of God is not only written on every heart and displayed in nature, but it’s found throughout Scripture as well. One recorded fact that proves Christ’s authenticity is found in the donkey’s humble obedience to submit to Jesus’ command. I believe that Jesus is sending us a message through an animal less intelligent than we, “Even the donkey knew Me.”

It’s true, if an untamed donkey can recognize the glory of the Lord, so can we even though we can’t visibly see Him. If we could see God, He’d just be another object like the sun and the moon. That would make Him a small God. He’s much bigger than that. The Bible tells us that God is a spirit. He is not anything you can see or touch. But that doesn’t mean He isn’t real! In fact, He is more “real” than the things you see around you that will eventually they will disappear—but God never will.

The greatest evidence that God longs to reveal Himself to us occurred over 2000 years ago when this invisible God became a visible person, Jesus Christ, who claimed, “Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9). God not only desired to reveal Himself then, but He wants to show Himself real to you everyday through a loving relationship with His Son.

Deep within you know, just as the donkey knew, that Jesus longs to enter your heart and take His rightful place as Lord of your life. Don’t let a donkey out smart you. Today is the perfect time to get to know God in a real way.