At the age of 21, I found myself alone, a brand new mother of a 4 month old, and a widow. It was a lot to handle.
Four years later, I met and married my husband now. He’s a great guy! A true answer to prayer. He loves children and became a great dad to my son. I believe my reason for success is that I prayed for God to protect me from the wrong mate until the right on came along.
Although I was concerned about Pat’s and Mitch’s relationship developing like a father and son’s should, everything seem to be going great. I learned that anyone could father a child, but a real daddy is someone who is around to wipe the nose and the other end too.
Mitch adored Pat. Then, when Mitch reached about 10 years of age. He began to show anger and feel cheated from not being able to know his biological father. Following the advice of our Pastor, we took Mitch to counseling.
To our surprise, we got a two for one deal. Right away the counselor picked up on some tension between Pat and I as well–tension that I was completely unaware of.
The counselor revealed that Pat had unresolved anger and resentment toward me. I was completely dumbfounded. We hardly ever fought! How could this be?
Pat wasn’t voicing his ideas and opinion’s to me. Instead he was letting me have my way. This created resentment in him toward me. I, on the other hand, had no idea that he was angry. He never spoke up about anything, therefore, I simply assumed I was always right!
Today, we are thankful that Mitch led Pat and I to counseling. We have since learned that each of us needs to voice our opinion’s, agree to disagree, and forgive one another when needed. In fact, forgiveness is key to resolving conflict not just in marriage, but in all relationships. Forgiveness even sets us back into right relationship with God as well.
In their book, Men are Like Waffles and Women are Like Spaghetti, Bill and Pam Farrel provide us with statements we need to forgive ourselves and others. It goes like this:
1.) I forgive (name person) for (name offense) Remember, forgiveness is a choice you make in order not to let anyone control you emotionally. Your are freeing yourself when you forgive others.
Forgiveness is not letting go of what was done; it’s not saying what was done to you was okay; it’s not sweeping it under the rug or forgetting it. That’s called reconciliation–which takes two people. Forgiveness you can do alone.It’s all about you!
2.) I admit that (name the offense) was wrong.
3.) I do not expect (name person) to make up for what he or she has done. This is a biggie!
4.) I will not use (name offense) to define who (name person)is. Remember, do not define the person as a monster. It only gives them control over you.
5.) I will not manipulate (name person) with this offense. In other words, do not repay evil for evil.
6)I will not allow (name of offense) to stop my personal growth. Something to think about there.
I prayerfully hope that you will put this steps into action and experience the freedom forgiveness brings and the persoanl growth that follows.
Until next time…God bless!