It’s been a while since I’ve blogged, I know. I’ve been in a dark place. I’ve been discouraged. When I get discouraged, my confidence begins to dwindle as well. Sound familiar? Sure it does. Even the most confident people struggle with low- confidence from time to time.
Still, I’m discovering that confidence isn’t something I lose. It’s something I forget to apply.
For example, I always feel a bit nervous whenever I encounter something new. The first time I meet a new person, I feel less than confident. The same thing happens when I find myself in a new place or new situation. Other times I find myself in a familiar place but the landscape has changed. Suddenly, I retreat to that shy, little girl who has forgotten what to do or how to act. I forget to apply my confidence.
What about muddled expectations? I’m really good at this. I put such high expectations on myself that I become my worst enemy. Sometimes I think Satan calls his demons over to watch me at work. He probably says something like this. “Watch this one. I don’t have to lift a finger. She damages herself all on her own!”
Expectations are like carrying around a rulebook. In this book is everything I expect of myself, everything I expect of others, and here’s a real brain-teaser, everything I expect others expect of me. Am I a mess or what?
All this stuff can do a number on my confidence. Then, I can’t determine if I’m a mess because I’m discouraged or I’m discouraged because I’m a mess. It’s like the chicken and the egg. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? I dunno!
In all these cases, it’s not that I’ve lost confidence. I’ve forgotten to apply it.
Before I can apply confidence, I have to know where it comes from so I can draw from it. Confidence comes from God. Anything we do outside of God is insignificant. This is where I first fall out of the boat. I stop relying on God to do in and through me what only He can do.
John 15:5 says, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” Apart from God I can do nothing. I can’t bear the fruit of peace, joy, or faith. I can’t handle new experiences nor can I let go of my expectations. But when I remain in God and place my confidence in Him, all things are possible. So, the first step toward applying confidence to any situation, is to trust God to handle it.
Then, I must frisk my negative thoughts and emotions at the door. Philippians 4:8 says, “Whatever is true, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think on such things.” Anything that doesn’t match what God says about me should be thrown out. You and I apply God-confidence when we recognize these untruths by frisking our thoughts at the door.
I’m feeling much better, praise Jesus! It’s not because I found my confidence. But because I applied it where it belonged—in God.
What about you? Did you identify with anything in this post? How can applying your confidence affect your situation?
Jill says
Micca,
I can definitely relate to struggling with confidence. The enemy has used my self esteem issues against me, for as long as I can remember. I’m 40 years old, and spent almost 18 years as a youth pastor’s wife, and it has only been in the past 2 months that I have found my confidence in Christ. I still struggle when I’m in a new situation and around new people-especially women, and I often find myself at a loss for words or simply feeling awkward and out of place. However, recently I have discovered that I have the choice of accepting myself as being the ‘odd duck,” or I can tell myself that I am ” fearfully and wonderfully made.” I have begun to realize that God made me this way (a quiet-sometimes awkward- observer of others) for a reason. It allows me to sit back and see others who are often overlooked. I want to tell you that I stumbled across your blog by accident a few weeks ago, when I discovered blogging existed. (I’m a little behind the times here- 🙂 and it moved me more than you will ever realize. Your story, your strength, your faith, have moved me more than you can know. I have waited anxiously to hear from you again, and I’m so thankful that you have rediscovered your God confidence.
I don’t blog, nor do I comment on blogs, so replying to this is a big step for me. I can only pray that it will encourage you to know that you are not alone, and that your voice is valuable. Thank you for sharing your struggle. I’m even more encouraged to walk in God confidence today.
Nicole says
Micca,
I am SO glad I stumbled on your blog entry today (via Proverbs 31 on Twitter)! What a word that I so needed to hear! I have been struggling with insecurity for a little over a month now, going through a rough breakup. I can tell you that the enemy knows exactly how to get to me, too, and I can totally relate that he hardly has to work to attack me, because I do it all on my own. Lately, I have been trying to press into God’s word to find my identity in Him. When I feel myself beginning to buy into Satan’s lies, my biggest help is to repeat His promises. God is in control of my confidence. He is my security and strength. Thank you for sharing your struggle so openly with readers, for that takes true confidence. He is using your obedience through writing about your struggle to encourage so many others!
Becky M says
Can I ever understand this — a resounding YES. Thank you for sharing yourself to lead me in another direction from where I was headed today.
Nikki says
We need more insights like this in this trehad.
michele nice says
Profound, simple, yet so unnatural. I have spent much of my llfe building my self-confidence working to feel that I am as good as other people – only to find out that none of us is better than another – and I can do nothing worthwhile in my own strength and wisdom. Jesus, He is my confidence. My confidence is in His love and acceptance of me and my confidence is in the value He gives me. No more feeling less than or comparing myself to others (the way of the world) – that for me breeds lack of confidence. Thank you for sharing your struggle, your answers and your faith. I am reminded and encouraged by your post to renew my mind and my image of me to who Jesus says I am. Thank you. Thank God He chose to reveal Himself to me. May I have the confidence to share his love with others.
connie devault says
Thank you for sharing. i feel as if I could have written your post. I too have been in a very dark place. I have been struggling and continue to struggle with confidence. I too have to remind myself of where and in Who does my confidence lie. I have to keep my eyes on Him and surrender daily all my expectations to Him for apart from Him I can do nothing.In Him I live and move and have my being. I think I will always struggle with this. It keeps me on my knees.
Melissa says
Thank you for your message today! I have been struggling with my confidence for quite a while now. I have been searching for a job and it is very tough right now! Rejection makes me doubt everything about myself and makes my confidence disappear. I just keep praying that God will put me where He wants me to be- and that I can be patient until then. Thank you again! You are a blessing!!!
Melanie Shannon says
Did you describe me to a big ole capital “T”…. wow I love the part about expectations….Expectations are like carrying around a rulebook. In this book is everything I expect of myself, everything I expect of others, and here’s a real brain-teaser, everything I expect others expect of me. Am I a mess or what? My problem is I expect perfection from myself and I expect other expect perfection from me but expect so little of others that I find myself avoiding situations or with such dread, go and have already deemed myself a failure before ever stepping out. Talk about a mess. Luckily God knows me & loves me and brings me to women like you and the women of Proverbs 31. Thank you for sharing and letting me know I am not alone. Applying confidence where it belongs with God as my pilot!! Have a wonderfully blessed day.
M says
This also describes me to a “T” and it is something I have struggled with all my life and still do. New situations and change send me reeling into uncertainty and loss of confidence and I constantly compare myself to others and feel inadequate! The bit about the expectations also rings true . It’s so good to know other people can relate. And thanks to the lady who says we just have to accept the way we’re made and ask God for confidence and peace .
Happy Heart says
I understand. Praise God that He always picks us up. I am glad your back.
Mary Ann Byrd says
Micca, you just put to words exactly how I feel all the time! I love your honesty and REALness! I can’t wait for you to come back to Good Hope one day..love you!!